On a recent trip to Nairobi, Kenya, I came across the Swahili saying:

“A letter is half as good as seeing each other.”

It resonated with me, particularly as I’ve come to realize that relationships are important to everything in life, and that seeing someone face-to-face is immeasurably valuable. Inasmuch as we live in a world of instant messaging, on-demand entertainment, and overloaded inboxes, we crave real connections.

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy vicariously checking on the lives of friends on platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, but a ‘like’ here and a post there doesn’t quite cut it in terms of truly developing relationships. To me, social media mainly offers artificial engagements. A deceptive connectivity.

Technologies have certainly added considerable convenience to our lives, but I worry that they also diminish real connectedness. Tempted by virtual worlds, avatars, and digital interactions, we can lose sight of the importance of relationships built on real world interactions.

It is why I’ve created 52 Friendships, an initiative that will have me reconnect – ideally in person, but if not, on the ‘phone’ (i.e. WhatsApp/Zoom/Skype) – with individuals who have impacted my life in a meaningful way. For me, it is an opportunity rekindle relationships and to assuage a sense of guilt for being out of touch with people, some of whom I haven’t spoken with for years.

Fundamentally it is a desire to reconnect authentically and to catch-up on each other’s lives.

Admittedly, we all lose touch with friends at various points in life. But as much as technology can help us reconnect, I don’t think it’s enough. A concerted effort is required to counter the ‘life shifts’ that inevitably take us away from relating authentically with others. While moving continents, having a family, and being ‘head down’ at work have impeded my ability to reach out to friends, the onus to do so rests, ultimately, on my shoulders.

I expect '52 Friendships' will be a useful impetus for me being a better friend.

A ‘New Life’ in Canada

‘Establishing a life’ in a new country is all about ups and downs, frustrations, fears and embracing uncertainty. Oscillating between delight and despair, finding work has been the biggest challenge in reestablishing myself in Canada.

Feeling like I’m a few steps behind my contemporaries, and facing the prospect of bringing in funds that are automatically reduced in value by more than 90%, it is a profoundly humbling experience to consider one’s lot in comparison to others (which one shouldn’t, but it’s so difficult not to do so). Looking beyond what could have been, and focusing on come what may be, I am trying to remain focused on how I can make a headstart rather than feeling behind.

I remind myself that our life here is, by in large, comfortable. We live in a great place that is warm and well equipped. We have pleasant neighbours, a safe neighbourhood and relatively good proximity to public transport. In fact, not owning any form of transport (other than a wagon for Ben – more on this later), requires one to walk, which is a wonderful way to discover the many interesting businesses around us. It also allows me to get a decent bit of exercise each day.

I’m welcoming – with a smile on my face – the chores of Canadian life. From shovelling snow and spreading salt on the ground to keep our walkway safe, to the filling of garbage, recycling and ‘green waste’ containers that one has to roll to the road for collection with the bins emptied depending upon the City of Toronto collection schedule. (incidentally, Green Bin organics are picked up every week while Blue Bin recycling and garbage are collected on alternating weeks.)

The Tough Part

Where things get tough is the ‘job’ of finding a job. It is a constant up and down, with rare moments of utter elation contrasted by a mix of emotions including self-doubt, frustration, and despair. The process of applying for roles is quite a time-consuming activity that involves careful analysis of a job description, the development of a personal letter to adequately express one’s accomplishments, character and a sense of one’s perceived ‘fit’ within an organization. This comes with envisioning the role and how it would feel to be employed, how colleagues would be, the sort of environment(s) in which one would work and the kinds of activities undertaken each week to get a sense of achievement.

I’ve learned that for some, the value we ascribe to ourselves is often based on what we do. When one is not working, it can at times, feel like one is not contributing to society, and not adding value to the economy. Most importantly, it leaves one feeling insignificant and questioning how much one has actually accomplished in one’s career. This can potentially lead to a slippery slope into a dark valley of fear, a place that we try hard to avoid.

Family, Friends and Strangers

The challenge is, it’s always there. Like looking over the edge of a cliff or down onto the streets from a rooftop. Holding on to little moments of pride and ‘small accomplishments’ keeps one’s grip strong and helps to secure one’s footing, but there’s always the possibility of letting go. To this, support systems are so important, in keeping you ‘on top’ and balancing oneself emotionally. Family, friends and even complete strangers able to say “I understand”, all help to keep one grounded and focused on what’s above, rather than what’s below.

I have found so much strength in my wife and her ability to plan, assess and evaluate opportunities. She has been such a positive force in helping me feel confident and accomplished. We have helped each other out as the ‘outside voice’ and the subjective bystander in editing each other’s cover letters and preparing for interviews.

Family have also been wonderful to have as ‘sounding boards’ and to help out with little things that, together, help to make life comfortable. They provide a sense of support with messages and phone calls offering to help with rides, invites to meals and pieces of advice in terms of where to shop, how to commute and what places to explore as we settle in to our new life. This has even extended into some babysitting from one of my nieces, which has given us a bit of couple time and a chance to network over social suppers.

Beyond those closest to us, there are individuals who have ‘reached out’ with small gestures of assistance. From school parents inviting us to their child’s birthday party to our neighbour shovelling snow by the front door, we have been overwhelmed by the generosity of spirit and friendliness of Torontonians.